Issue: July/August 1997
Author: Eva Herriott
RAISING CAIN, ABLY
As a parent, you know no two kids are alike. Ayurveda can show you how to adapt to their individual needs.
When my friend Sarah was pregnant with her second child, Lea, she felt certain that this time around motherhood would be a breeze. With all the trial-and-error learning she had raising her first-born, surely she was now an expert. "Instead, I've had to start all over again,"she told me, exasperated, on the evening of Lea's third birthday. "With Lea, a whole new set of rules applies."
When you meet Sarah's two daughters, now eight and six, it is easy to see why. While Alicia is social and outgoing, Lea keeps to herself. Alicia is all jumps and bounces; sister Lea moves with measured steps, very much at her own pace. Whereas wiry Alicia barely has time (or enough interest) to eat, Lea invariably asks for seconds, and is already a bit on the chubby side. Alicia can become moody and overwrought when she's tired, but it takes a lot to get Lea upset. Once crossed, however, Lea's apt to throw the kind of tantrum that is every parent's worst nightmare.
Most parents notice that their children have distinct personalities from an early age. But few are aware that children, just like adults, have underlying mind-body types that determine many of the more manifest personality traits. The ancient Indian science of ayurveda has identified three main mind-body types or doshas: vata, pitta, and kapha. All three of these doshas are present in each of us, but most often one or two of them predominate and most strongly influence our personalities. A vata child, like Alicia, is cheerful, enthusiastic, outgoing, and physically active, and tends to eat like a bird at meals. Pitta children have an incessant curiosity, and their minds are constantly active. They get impatient and unhappy easily, especially if they don't get their parents' attention when they need it. The sturdy build of kapha children reflects their stable, patient, and self-contained personalities. Kapha children, like Lea, are mellow and good-natured, but much harder to calm down when they finally do get upset.
The ayurvedic typology of vata, pitta, kapha covers more than just personality or temperament; it includes physiological characteristics as well. The body of a vata type is thin and wiry; pittas are of medium build and generally have very strong digestive powers and a voracious appetite. Kaphas are heavyset and not as interested in physical activity as vatas and pittas. More than one mind-body type can predominate, too. A balanced pitta-vata, for example, would combine some of the enthusiasm of vata with the drive and intensity of pitta.
"It is important that a mother understands how to adjust her child- rearing approaches to the different needs of children of different body types," explains Dr. Rama Kant Mishra, an ayurvedic expert who works as science advisor for the Maharishi Ayur-Veda organization. "Both psychologically and physiologically, children of different mind-body types have very different needs."
THE PITTA CHILD
According to Dr. Mishra, the intellect drives the pitta child who, as a result, needs a lot of parental attention and constant stimulation. Pitta- type children are most prone to suffer in two-income families where parents have less time and energy to give them that attention. They are very creative and can become very successful later in life if they get the attention and support they need. Their reactive nature will tend to get them into fights; of all the three types, they are especially sensitive to violent or shocking TV shows. Pitta children are unable to compromise, so be careful not to promise them anything you can't deliver.
Parents should avoid using harsh words when disciplining a pitta child, and instead favor affection and love, which have an especially calming and soothing effect on them. Lots of outdoor activities also benefit pittas, but be careful of too much sun exposure, as the pale skin of a pitta can easily burn.
THE VATA CHILD
Touch is the magic word for the vata child: It soothes their restless, excitable vata nature. Regularity of routine is also very important for vatas, as irregular meals and changing bedtimes will tend to bring out the overexcitability, restlessness, and moodiness that can signal an imbalanced vata. A vata child should get plenty of rest and never be allowed to skip meals or grab a bite on the run. A warm, nourishing meal three times a day (like warm cereal in the morning) will help maintain the balance of the vata child.
THE KAPHA CHILD
Generally far more self-sufficient than their vata and pitta counterparts, kapha children will tend to be overlooked in a group of strong, demanding vatas and pittas. Because of their patient nature, kapha children can tolerate this to a much greater degree than their pitta siblings, for example, but the fact that they don't demand parental attention doesn't mean they don't need it.
Kapha children learn slowly, but not because they are less intelligent than their pitta or vata companions, who tend to grasp new knowledge very quickly (and in the case of vata, will just as quickly forget it). The strength of kapha types lies in their excellent retention skills, and they benefit greatly from a pedagogical approach that takes their unique way of learning into account. Kapha children generally are blessed with a more stable sense of inner self than their pitta and vata counterparts, and it is important that their inner security not be undermined by a fear of failure, particularly in a school where teachers may not understand kaphas' unique way of learning.
ALL THEY NEED IS LOVE
All children, no matter what their mind-body type, benefit from getting all the love they need, and then some. "There is a saying in India, that if a man is successful in life, his mother has given him lots of love," explains Dr. Mishra. "If parents are always loving and nourishing, the child of average or even limited intellectual capacity will do better in life than his or her peers who are intellectually better equipped but who did not enjoy the same love and support."
"Having a trusting heart is one of the secrets to enjoying both emotional and physiological health," says Melanie Brown, Ph.D., co-author of A Woman's Best Medicine. "It allows us to withstand life's ups and downs without feeling deeply shaken emotionally by difficult events. Such trust is generally established when we are children. A secure child learns to ride the waves, having internalized a sense of being loved no matter what."
To give children the love, support, forgiveness, and patience they need, you must be happy and well rested yourself. We all know that on days when we are tired or frustrated, the fuse is short indeed. "The formula is very simple," explains Melanie Brown. "If you are happy, your child will be happy. If your work leaves you too worn out at the end of the day to enjoy your family, then for your children's sake, rethink your priorities. See if you can get by with working less and living more."
DEVELOPING HEALTHFUL HABITS
The foundation of our psychological well-being is established in childhood, and the same holds true for our physiological health. According to ayurveda, there are three types of physiological strength: constitutional strength, temporal strength, and acquired strength. Constitutional strength is determined by our genetic makeup, and temporal strength is based on age-as the body grows older, its strength diminishes. Our acquired strength, on the other hand, reflects the daily habits that we adopt throughout our lives, and is therefore the area where we truly have a choice for health. Acquired strength can give us more energy and zest for life and even help compensate for limitations in the other two types of strength. Enhancing acquired strength will help slow down the effects of the aging process on temporal strength and prevent physiological weaknesses inherent in the constitutional strength from becoming full-blown health problems.
Poor diet, irregular eating, erratic daily routines, and lack of exercise and outdoor activities will, over time, tax the body's physiology and undermine its strength. Such habits are all too often acquired during childhood and stay with us throughout our lives. Helping children develop awareness of good eating habits and healthy lifestyle routines can maximize their acquired strength and overall resistance to disease.
Ayurveda offers a wealth of knowledge of how to harness every aspect of our lifestyle-diet, daily routine, exercise habits-to help enhance physical health and mental well-being. Parents can glean some of this advice from the many books available on the subject, but it is better to visit an ayurvedic physician to get individually targeted recommendations on diet, lifestyle routine, and herbal remedies that can help eliminate existing imbalances.
ROUTINE: THE KEY TO HEALTH
Two pieces of general ayurvedic advice can go a long way toward maximizing your child's health: attending to lifestyle and regulating dietary habits. Keeping your child on a regular routine is one of the greatest favors you can do for her. According to ayurveda, consistent meal times and regular (early) bedtimes foster both physiological and emotional balance for all mind-body types. Irregular routine very quickly aggravates the vata dosha, which in turn will influence the functioning of pitta and kapha doshas, laying the groundwork for all sorts of behavioral or physiological problems to come into play.
"When a child persistently doesn't get along with other children and is unhappy, angry, or overly introverted, we most often find that the child's routine is out of balance," explains Fran Matkin, a teacher at the Maharishi School of the Age of Enlightenment, a K-12 school in Fairfield, Iowa.
"If the child's parents are not putting her to bed on time or if they feed her at irregular times, a wide range of problems generally results," continues Matkin. "These may seem like little things, but an erratic routine is quite detrimental to the tender nervous system of children. Children need constancy in their lives. Once that gets established, they improve dramatically-often within a few days."
DIETARY BATTLES
When it comes to diet, the key words for every mind-body type are fresh and natural (i.e., organic and not genetically engineered). A food's freshness will determine its nutritional content, which consists of vitamins, minerals, and countless other important substances. For each body type, certain foods should be favored and others avoided. Vata types should favor foods with salt, sour, and sweet tastes (but not lots of chips and candy, please!). In contrast to their pitta and kapha siblings, vatas benefit from added butter and fat in their foods, as this helps soothe the volatile vata dosha. Vatas often suffer from dry skin and flighty natures; in order to ground them, their foods should be warm and soothing, such as warm milk, warm soup, warm milky cereal, and long-cooked stews.
Pittas, with their fiery natures, should gravitate toward cool or warm (not steaming-hot) foods, and foods with bitter, sweet, or astringent tastes. To help kaphas lift out of their lethargy, serve them warm, light food cooked with a minimum of butter, oil, or sugar. Foods with pungent, bitter, or astringent tastes are especially good for kapha.
Standard recommendations, while helpful, are often too generalized to be effective. An ayurvedic physician will give you more precise food recommendations for your child. Sweet, juicy fruits are good for all children; purchased juice, according to ayurveda, is not nearly as desirable. Fresh, green vegetables are also ideal food for children, although vata children should eat these in lesser quantities. The diet in general should emphasize vegetables, fresh fruits, and whole grains.
And just how do you get your child to eat this kind of stuff? Most parents find that with gentle persistence and a bit of well-planned strategy, children's eating habits will gradually change over time. The main thing is not to turn the issue into a heated battleground. "Children go through their whole lives (as children) in a constant power struggle," explains Fran Matkin. "They're asked to do something, and they want to do it their own way. The solution is to give them a certain degree of control, but at the same time steer them gently in the direction you want."
Matkin has developed one useful technique to help children become more open to new foods. "I teach the children to never say 'I don't like X' or 'I hate Y,' but instead use the phrase 'I'm not used to X, Y, or Z.' That sentence changes the whole psychological framework. All of a sudden, there's a door open. The next step is to gradually allow the child to gain increased familiarity with the food. Tell them to smell the food, to touch it with their tongue, or to taste a small bite-just some little step at each meal that opens the door a bit wider. This way, children can retain control, but at the same time the parents are steering them towards a better diet."
Anita, from St. Paul, Minnesota, developed another useful technique when she married Jim and became the stepmother of his four-year-old daughter Connie. Raised exclusively on processed foods and soft drinks, Connie adamantly refused to eat any dish with less color than macaroni and cheese or drink anything that didn't come in a can. Anita realized that forcing would be counterproductive and instead started involving Connie when she prepared the family meals. Few children can resist trying at least a bite of the creation they've just had fun helping to make, and Connie was no exception. Over time, her eating habits gradually improved.
Diet is one of the most powerful tools we have for building health; helping your children to develop good eating habits is a gift that will last a lifetime. Even Western medicine acknowledges that food contains many key elements with potent preventive properties. In the ayurvedic framework, diet can also be an important therapeutic modality. If your child suffers from frequent infections, consult with an ayurvedic specialist. A weakened immune functioning is a sign that something in your child's lifestyle-diet, daily routine, or emotions-taxes his system. An ayurvedic assessment can tell you which underlying physiological imbalances cause the condition and how to address these imbalances before they develop further.
"Ayurvedic knowledge at times may seem deceptively simple. But in reality, it teaches us how to live in tune with the laws of nature that guide physiological functioning," says Dr. Mishra. "By offering profound insights into the subtlest areas of bodily functioning, ayurveda opens the door for much greater physiological and psychological health for both parent and child."
Eva Herriott is a freelance writer specializing in ayurvedic health topics. She lives in Chicago.
Resources
A Woman's Best Medicine by Nancy Lonsdorf, M.D., Veronica Butler, M.D., and Melanie Brown, Ph.D. (Jeremy P. Tarcher/ Putnam).
Ayurveda: Life, Health, and Longevity by Robert Svoboda (Arcana/Penguin).
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